


Tax-Sponsored Circus

by Mary_Sue_Donym



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: American Politics, Angst, Bernie Sanders is NOT a slut., Crack, Current Events, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Inspired by Real Events, Slut Shaming, im sorry, no beta we die like men, no offense to the actual people, not canon compliant (probably), obligatory this isn't a political statement!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29370252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mary_Sue_Donym/pseuds/Mary_Sue_Donym
Summary: "I want the record to reflect that I did not call Sen. Sanders an ignorant slut." - John Kennedy, 2/11/2021.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	Tax-Sponsored Circus

Neera Tanden is many things, according to Wikipedia. She is an American, a political consultant, a former government official, and the president of the Center for American Progress. But how can a person be summed up in a single article? What of their passions, their day-to-day lives, their prides and shames - or to summarize, what of their Twitter account?

Neera Tanden is, among other things, a verified Twitter user. I do not use the term ‘user’ lightly; she is a more frequent user than the oompa loompa who formerly had a ring-for-Coke button on the Oval Office desk. She has never incited an insurrection like said oompa loompa, but has, allegedly, been a bit of a cyberbully. One of her victims included Senator Bernie Sanders, of Vermont.

Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana is a Republican, and like most Republicans he views himself as the sole vanguard of virtue in America. In the interest of fairness, I must add that the Democrats are like this as well, as are the Libertarians, Green Party, Whigs, Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, myself, and just about anyone calling themselves an American. In spite of all these upright patriots, one might think that there is no virtue at all in the country, as Kennedy would believe considering Tanden at her Senate confirmation hearing. This drove him to remark, of Tanden, “You called Sanders everything but an ignorant slut.”

Kennedy immediately realized his mistake - the first rule of politics is to not talk about politics, the second is that a politician shall not harm a voter, or by inaction allow a voter to come to harm, and the third is to never, _ever_ say anything that could be taken out of context. _This_ could be.

Tanden beat him to denying it. “That is not true, Senator.” She relaxed in her chair; crisis averted.

Sanders was sitting nearby, and in his head went through the double negatives, and wondered how the gosh darned heck Tanden had gotten it into her head that he was an ignorant slut.

Kennedy spoke next, “I want the record to reflect that I did not call Senator Sanders an ignorant slut.”

Huh, Sanders thought. _He didn’t call me one, that’s for sure, but he didn’t deny thinking it. Huh. Hmmmmm._ “I don’t know how I could take that, Senator Kennedy.”

He looked around the room - everyone was wearing masks, he couldn’t see their faces. Were they laughing at him? Were they all going to go home and write more tweets? Were they tweeting under their desks at that very moment? Sanders thought he might be sick. “Excuse me,” he said, and made his way to the men’s room. The _clip-clop_ of expensive shoes hitting the floor followed him.

“Wait, Senator!” It was Kennedy. 

Sanders made his way to the bathroom faster. It was empty, and he locked himself in the farthest stall. Kennedy was not deterred. He stood outside the stall.

“Occupied.”

“I can see that. I just wanted to say - I’m sorry you’ve been dragged into this.”

“Me too.”

“I really don’t think you’re an ignorant slut.”

That was an improvement over only denying saying it. Not yet perfect, though. “Oh, yeah, so I’m an ignorant incel, then?”

“What?” Kennedy’s face contorted with repentance and agony. “No, no, you’re a very clever slut!”

“Ah! Well, that changes everything!” Sanders opened the stall, Kennedy stepped six feet backwards, and they air-hugged to seal their reconciliation. “You’re not a terribly foolish whore yourself,” Sanders declared. They exited the bathroom, refreshed and energized for the next government task - unfortunately for us, many of these things were classified and may not be inscribed here, so our tale must end.

**Author's Note:**

> O! Democracy, may your fruits always be as sweet as they are now!


End file.
